Today is not about watches, just about time. While I’d love to take credit for the header, most of you are probably already familiar with the original “You have watches, we have the time.” The quote is often attributed to the Taliban during the war with the US earlier this century. The meaning? In a guerilla, if one side is willing to wait the enemy out, it can overthrow a significant disadvantage in sheer force. Personally, I first heard the quote over 20 years ago, living in Senegal. It was meant to highlight the contrast between the rushed Western lifestyle and the more laid back local pace. It’s in reference to the latter interpretation that I’m using the line, after a personal experience today.
A Couple Days Off
In my trade, the busiest time of year is usually around early March. My colleagues and I attend an annual industry event that requires months of preparation. The days of the event itself are packed with meetings and other obligations, from early morning to late evening. Just managing a brief bio break or grabbing something to eat can be a challenge. While I’m not complaining – having a job, and one you enjoy, is a privilege – it’s fairly exhausting. Nothing crazy, no triathlon or night shift, but still a lot compared to my usual routine. All that to say I decided to treat myself to two days off once the event was over.
Vacation is one thing. But two days off when everyone else in the family – wife, kids – are at their usual pace, is different. Not sick, not traveling, not visiting people, just living the daily life without the work component. A bit like instant, micro retirement. I could already imagine myself on a Netflix binge – sorry, I meant visiting art museums and reading sociology journals.
Looking at my schedule, I saw there were still a couple things to get done, unrelated to my job. Those minor interruptions to my chilling had already been scheduled before I decided to take the days off. After all, if I could easily squeeze them in the middle of a busy work day, surely they wouldn’t disrupt my rest.
Not What I Expected
With the morning coffee, I went through some of the mail – like, physical mail, they love it here in Switzerland – that I’d missed during my four days away. As if I’d been gone for six months, the pile had invoices, tax information and miscellaneous requests that kept me busy through two large cups. Dropped one kid to school, as I usually do, and also his older brother who’d missed his bus, then finally caught it once I’d gotten ahead of it and he made me stop kinda in the middle of traffic – I pretended I couldn’t see the people giving me looks.
I dropped the car off at the garage for a minor check-up. Took the bus to the dentist’s, who turned out to be 30 minutes delayed due to an emergency; that was the norm where I lived before but is actually unusual on this side of the border. I used the time to make arrangements with the construction team coming to do work on the building tomorrow, and by the building I mean my apartment as somehow the rain likes it a lot more than the other 15.
After that, I went for my usual – brief – Monday session at the gym, picked up a book for one of my kids and took the bus home. I was just about ready to call it a day. It was barely lunchtime. I won’t bore you with the fiscal or orthodontic obligations waiting for me in the afternoon, but my point is: where did my chilling go? Moreover, how was I supposed to get all of that done AND work at the same time?
The Realization
Does any of this sound familiar? Sure, we usually end up managing. But seeing how the day was already packed “doing nothing” really hit me on how oversubscribed we easily get. Apologies if this is super obvious to you already. For what it’s worth, I’m 44, have been working for over 20 years, and it took me this long – and this particular experience – to realize it so clearly.
What is the root cause of all this? Has it always been this way? I happened to mention my experience to a psychiatrist friend (you’re free to think he was being paid for the conversation – as far as I know he wasn’t!). He told me how he’d seen such states grow over the past years, as our ability to be connected to everything from everywhere kept increasing. As if we felt like we have superpowers, whereas in fact our brain – and ability to cope – has fundamentally not evolved.
And Now What?
Well, first, in hindsight, I now understand how even when everything is going well, it’s easy to end up tired or stressed. It’s unnatural to have what has proven to be a full schedule – admittedly at a leisurely pace – squeezed into another full schedule. Now, what can I change? So many times in the past have I made the resolution to reduce the haste, unpack the schedule, just say no to that extra meeting. Sometimes I failed immediately. Others it took me a bit longer. But the outcome was always the same. I don’t expect anything different this time around.
What I will do though is just try to remember. Remember what normal feels like. Hopefully to schedule better, or at least reduce the expectations I set on myself. And, perhaps more importantly, the expectations I have for others. In the meantime, while my watches certainly don’t give me any extra time, staring at that lovely blue dial on my wrist is a welcome pause from the first world problems spinning in my head.
Haha, you do not have the right to chill… as a parent, this is a fictional construct, a pipe dream of gleeful delight which you can spend eternity dreaming about, but never attain – and that, my friend, is a good thing indeed. When the admin is gone, the busyness is over, and the mail ceases to arrive, we will wish for just one more day of this mayhem. Enjoy every day, for it will certainly be your last eventually 🙂
😊 Philosophically I definitely agree – as I often do reading your Newsletter. But I don’t think it has to be binary. The busy-ness is a privilege, you’re right. But if we try to bite so much more than we can chew, then we don’t – at least I don’t – make a the best use of that privilege. Hope that makes sense!